Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in teh_wes' LiveJournal:

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Monday, August 13th, 2007
3:36 pm	Something New http://www.jurassicgolf.blogspot.com (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 22nd, 2007
1:06 pm	I Hate the Food Network "I used to not like avocados, but then I found out they were fattening. So I went back and tried 'em and sure enough, I love 'em." -Paula Deen. If I had Tivo I would have saved that quote forever. (Comment on this)
Monday, April 16th, 2007
10:00 am	Emily Eveleth I'm about to make a kind of lengthy post about some art that I saw in the Tate Gallery, but before I do that, let me share some paintings that I found on the internet, ones which I believe to be far superior. The artist's name is Emily Eveleth, and I don't know a lot about her. What I do know is that she's created a series of canvases which depict compositions of doughnuts that I find extremely sensuous and dramatic. I know exactly why, too: it's all those bloody-looking orifices with their vital essences leaking out - I've just been thinking about these paintings for days. They're super cool, and I want to meet this woman. It's something about such a random-seeming subject being so full of life and energy. You decide for yourself, but take my hearty reccommendation that these are pretty sweet. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 19th, 2007
10:45 pm	(7/37) Pompous Knaves Abound! A List: Monmouth Coffee Company. Some market at the London Bridge Station. Later visited necessitated; many fruits vegetables and breads and cheeses present. Approximately ninety pubs. Old railway station. Fresh mozzarella balls floating in milk. Baugettes are a pound-fifty, my day's meal. Walking tour with Angus Lockyear. Brisk. Thames. Bridges. Churches. Movie shooting locales. Lots of vertical space. Museum of London. Must return someday. Best artifact: the Man Trap, a spring-loaded iron clamp that estate owners would hide in bushes just inside their courtyard walls to cut the legs off of potential thieves and wrongdoers. Another British Tour Guide makes fun of my dress. Last time it was my short trousers, this time it's my lack of cold-weather gear. Not everyone in the world has to wear a pea coat all the time, asshole. Also mocks my baugette, questioning the amount of roughage in my diet. I know all about roughage, douche-mouth, my diet of bread, cereal, granola bars, and vegetables (all I can afford) is entirely roughage, I probably poop like three times a day. The Bishop's Finger, a pub that sells the usuals but also their own house brands of beer. 12 American assholes crowd the bar. Having my tastes for Lagers questioned by others, I reply that, though I may be in the future, I am not currently a fan of drinks that are both extremely bitter and, as is the case with stouts, served lukewarm. Resident Adult John explains that he once made a batch of beer with chocolate and a chili pepper. I decide that he is insane. Home. Remove remaining half of baugette from back pocket, combine with cheese, consume. Explain to everyone that my diet thus far has consisted entirely of cereal, cheese, bread, and beer and that this is okay with me. On cue, Paul Suway enters with his portabello olive marinara sauce and puts me to shame. Dan also cooks spaghetti with marinara. Matt cooks soy sauce pasta with egg bits that is pretty good. None of us can afford meat. I realize that I can cook and enjoy doing so, but that my taste in simple breads and cheeses comes from complete laziness. I also like to be hearty and pure. Does this make sense to anyone? Beer run. Corona. Get limes at the market tomorrow. Photographs. London History Textbook. Sleep. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, December 14th, 2006
2:41 am	(Two of Twenty-Two) This just in: you're a man-bandit I've spent the entire day completely idle, playing Guitar Hero to excess and getting a lot better at it than I've ever been before. The game is all about learning the key transfers, how to move from each power chord to each other power chord. I've been struggling with how to get from green-red to yellow-orange so I can five-star "Infected." What a song. Chalk it up to another great tune I didn't know anything about until I got my hands on this game. Others include Bark at the Moon, Killer Queen, Take Me Out, and Cheat on the Church. I have decided to make Christmas cards for all my friends from Wake who I can't be with over the holiday, especially because I won't see a lot of these kids until the end of next semester. I also want the chance to bone around with Photoshop some more. I'm not the sentimental type, so they may expect some funny, quirky, or downright rude yuletide greetings. I figure since Mike Discepolo is always telling me to either die or fuck my grandmother, he'll get something extra, extra, extra special - like a dried-up cat-turd wreath. For your amusement and mine, these cards will be simulcast to the houses of the fortunate - in paper form - as well as this blog. Look for them to start soon. I messed around on this website called cashduck.com today. The banner ad told me all I needed to know: "This is a duck. This is a cash duck." So I clicked on it. It's a home-run business designed by someone named Jenny or Susan or something. She has her own blog about the site, so I think it's legitimate. The site itself is really just a portal to some online surveys that promise rewards and free offers, but the kicker is that the operator of cashduck give you the rewards for filling them out. So it's like I clicked on one of those dumb-ass "get a free nano" pop-ups, except there aren't any pop-ups and I'm guranteed a cash reward by a third party that keeps track and mails me money whenever I request it. In addition, she's able to offer "feathers" which I can redeem for gift cards and other freebies that she actually goes out and buys. The whole thing is so irresistably transparent! (Comment on this)
Monday, November 13th, 2006
1:56 am	(Six) Everything you know is wrong: fast is slow, up is down and short is long Following the routine again today; here I am in the computer lab at twelve-thirty in the evening working on a paper which I am told is overdue. I don't really care anymore. Due dates are a really zen issue for me - the right I feel to self-determine my own life conflicts with my desire to get good grades and have concrete proof of how awesome I am. I had a good day, running shit backstage at my show, feeling like a real part of the management (actors have no idea what we do). I still want to be an actor, because I still consider most techs to be failed actors, but I'm being drawn to this lifestyle now that I've learned its more and more fun to do stuff backstage the more authority you have. I had a long talk today with Rebecca about love and sex and life and stuff, spurred on by two different events that took place last night and this morning. The first I can't talk about here because I'd be called a sex-crazed douche - and don't even argue because it happened like nine times last year - the second I can, though its a lot less pleasant. I got home today and checked my email to find a succint message from Leah RK, who felt that we needed to talk. Do I even need to promote the stereotype that when a woman asks you that it's a bad thing? I can't think of a time when it wasn't. I don't want to get into it too much, but basically I guess she's never going to speak to me again, which is funny because she told me like three days ago that we were finally friends. Now she says I ruined her life. I think it's really funny how the entire female gender - that's right, a full half of the human race - is certifiably insane. Yes, that includes all of you reading this, it's just that, for some of you, it's GOOD crazy. I have run out of rebuttals for this chick; there is simply nothing left to be done about it except have a screaming match that I don't want to start. So that's that. Caroline called to check on me when she was told what happened, which was sweet but unnecessary, though it made me like her a little bit more. So, our talk - the one with Rebecca - would have been insanely deep if I wasn't afraid of adjusting my views on love based on a single conversation. What a frightening word that is; I guess I've always considered it better used in the form of a subtext, not a noun or a verb but an adjective or adverb. Or an adverb to an adverb. You can't just love someone, and you can't have love - it's a null word like that. You can only show someone that you love them, or how much, with your actions. And maybe you can only show someone you love them by how you perform the actions you were already going to perform. The biggest question we raised, the one we really couldn't begin to answer - was what separated romantic love from friend love? If romantic love is just the ridiculous emotion that makes you cry and yell and mope and ruin people's lives then I don't want it. If it's something so transcendant, like so many authors and songwriters and poets want us to think it is - or maybe they just want to stay in business by capitalizing on our self-destructive fantasies - then I want it. But I can't want to want it, or it doesn't count...for some reason. It's also funny how you're supposed to love someone at first sight, which I think is the most cocked notion since agriculture. What do you guys think about love? So maybe I'll be able to give you an answer one day. But today is not that day. I want to draw shit for a living. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, October 19th, 2006
4:54 am	Balls! This is how people stop being friends. There's a drunk Paul Suway throwing up on my bathroom. Mike Discepolo has a flaky vagina and I'm going to take a dump on his bed. I started liking "Wonderwall" by Oasis a lot today. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, April 5th, 2006
3:19 am	This is gonna be some word vomit, but as you know I have not posted in a while. I check my e-mail compulsively. If there’s any bad habit I have, it is blatant, constant, unrelenting checking of my e-mail. Do you know that feeling when you kill an enemy in counter-strike, and the green pops up on the side, indicating the money you’ve received? That’s the exact same feeling I get when I see the bold text of new message in my inbox. It’s exhilarating. You may not understand this small joy in my life but I guarantee you it is very vital to my purported happiness. Speaking of counter-strike, I found one kid who plays. His name is Pete; all I know about him is that he made out with Leah one time, and another time he vandalized the school with spray-paint graffiti. He seems like quite the scandal-bait, but judging by what he’s told me he sports a real desktop PC here and Wake and likes to play Source. I did not broach my LAN party idea. I had a chance to vote for student government today and I didn’t, probably because all the candidates seemed like completely impotent tools. Some kid gave me a free root beer with his name written on it; others taped shit to my door. They kept coming into my room and giving speeches to me, claiming to have clout or experience of all kinds. One girl even said she could help change the food in the cafeteria. I don’t believe her at all. I have about as much faith in our student government to change this stuff as I do for my dick to cure cancer. The day those panty-waisted air-wasters accomplish something is the day I wake up spooning with a nude Elizabeth Hurley. I want to take summer school classes at UNCW, where credit hours cost 100 dollars instead of 300. This is good because I’m only at Wake for the title on the degree. My favorite people are the people who don’t belong here; ironically enough they’re also the ones who make me feel like I belong. Theatre kids? Eh. Fun bunch, I’m living in their house but sometimes I don’t feel quite debauched enough to really be one of them. Tonight was amazing. I thought I had rehearsal so I went down to the Chapel where our play is being practiced until we move to Reynolda House down the road. Once I arrived, however, it was clear that this was not the case (Side note: this is going to be awesome because I’m getting paid a hundred and fifty bucks and working with pro actors; the play is about Thomas Edison and all the people he apparently betrayed while “inventing” the moving picture). On the way home, I stumbled into a performance by the Living Parables, our Wake Christian Drama troupe. A bunch of my friends were there, and even though the Parables kinda suck (this isn’t new information to anyone) we all had a good time. Later, I laid on a blanket under the stars and conversed with Amanda, Rachel, and Pete. Some innocent spooning also occurred, and it was very well-received. This is the third or fourth time I’ve spooned with Amanda in the past few weeks - this makes me happy. I like that Amanda. Also Rachel works at Starbucks so that meant free cupcakes and hot chocolate. Rock the fuck on. I’m really sad that Rachel’s spending her sophomore year in friggin’ Germany but I definitely want to hop on a plane and go see her during the break in my London semester. Kristin also lives in Germany and I want to brazenly smoke marijuana in a restaurant with her like she says that you can. London is going to be wonderful. Dan, Morgan, Paul…and I’ll get to meet like twelve other kids that I hope will rock my socks. We’re going to explore the city together, take ridiculously cheap train and plane trips to other countries, and drink real beer in real pubs. We’re even going to buy groceries and cook our own meals for one another in this huge house. Have you heard of Tim Miller? I have. He came to Wake to do a performance art workshop that was incredibly fun. We spent a week working on personal monologues and then performed them live on Friday night. Mine was about why I hate church – it sounds bad but it was really more a personal exploration that a Voltairian rant. I got to say some dirty words and talk about sex acts. Cool. I met Lakshmi, a short petite performance powerhouse who happens to be really cool. I think she’ll be in Oxford while I’m in London and that also deserves a visit. Rock. My hair is black. I guess you guys know that; it’s been this way for a while. I don’t want to exactly blame Leah for this change, because that would imply I did it to impress her or imitate her, but she’s inherently complicit in the crime because she’s the one who actually did the dyeing. I wasn’t going to do that shit by myself. All the students love it and all the faculty hate it. I pretty much did it for the attention and to see who would notice, but it’s also taught be that hair shows absolutely nothing about a person – I really don’t feel any different though I understand I look a little bit more goth than once I did. I can’t really wear black shirts anymore because I really look too fucking emo. If I make it through this week I’ll be golden. But before the week is out I must write two eight page papers – research papers. This will not be a pleasant experience. I’m starting to feel kinda burned out; what I really want to do is nestle in some boobies and stay there for a long, long time. Does that sound douchey? I don’t even care. It’s what I want to do. I’m going to a toga party on Friday. Wicked. I have to register for classes. I finished my artwork for the exhibition but I don’t think it’s good enough. It’s so hard to say this but I think I’ll have to take a rain check on it. I want my best work to be seen, not this thing I just made…it’s so HUGE. I dunno. I’m worried. Today a girl told me she had a dream where we made out. I don’t wanna mention any names, but I have to say that even though it’s probably going to be awkward between us for a while, it was kinda flattering. It’s cool, though. One times I got awkwardly rubbed by another girl at a theatre party and we’re totally still friends. When I live in the Theatre House next year, we (Dan, Rebecca, Leah, and I) are going to have games night where we play awesome stuff like Risk, Axis and Allies, and Settlers of Cattan. There is even talk of Dungeons and Dragons being brought to bear, though these are ACTORS we’re talking about and I feel the emphasis will be more on character role-playing than crunching numbers. (It’s not that I don’t like D&D, but perhaps playing it with a future nuclear technician gave the game a poor slant). I think we should also have LAN parties. I’m finally meeting more and more dorky kids; this is good and right. Things are beginning to become as they should be and I am pleased. James, I desire to visit you soon. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, April 2nd, 2006
11:04 pm	.1.What is your full name? Enoch Wesley Calkin .2. Are you happy with it? I think Enoch is an awesome name, and E. Wesley Calkin is the name I plan to use if I ever become a writer. .3. Are you named after anyone? A guy in the Bible. Genesis. Look it up. .5. Your screenname: It's literally my name. .6. Would you name a child of yours after you? What if they became famous and I was just the guy who had the same name? But Enoch is such a great name! .7. Then what would you name your children? Something easy to say but unique. I like Meredith and Josh. .8. If you were a girl/boy, what would your name be? That’s a weird question. I like the name Ben. Not Benjamin though. .9. If you could switch names with a friend, who would that be? I like the name Eddie. .10. Are there any typos that people do with your name? It's Calkin, not Caulkin. Fuck you, McCaullay. .11. Are you illiterate or dislexic? Yes, but I'm not as think as you dumb I am. BASICS .................................... .12. Your gender: Male .13. Straight/gay/bi? I think everyone is a little bit bisexual, but I'm not really into guys. .15. Want to be gay? not at all. .16. Your birthdate? December 15th, close to Christmas. .17. Your age: 19 .18. Age you act: Either 16 or 45. I've been an adult since age nine. .19. Age you wish you were: 18 and a half forever. .20. Your height: 6' 2" .21. The color of your eyes: Hazel. Not green or brown. .22. Happy with it? I suppose. I like blue eyes but I bet if I had them I wouldn’t like them as much since I’d be used to them. .23. The color of your hair: Really dark brown/blonde. But I died it black for the attention. .24.Left/right/ambidextrous? Right .26. Your living arrangement? I live with a pothead who excercises at three in the morning. .27. Your family: ...is awesome. .28. Have any pets? My cat, Jenna. .29. What's your job? Spreading the gospel of spooning. .30. Piercings? Oh my lord. What a bad idea. .31. Tattoos? I want to be a tattoo artist. .32. Obsessions: Garth Brooks, theatre, Amanda Eudy, going shirtless. .33. Addictions: Caffiene, cheddar cheese. .35. Do you speak another language? With the looks I get from people when I talk, sometimes I don't think I speak English. .36. Have a favorite quote? Some Calvin Coolidge quote about persistence. Google it. .37. Do you have a web page? Does lj count? DEEP THOUGHTS ------------------------------------------------- .38. Do you live in the moment? I'm in a moment right now! .39. Do you consider yourself tolerant of others? My roomate sells drugs out of my room....If I wasn't tolerant I would kick his damn ass. 40. Do you have any secrets? I will answer literally any question you ask me. I think getting people to be honest is really a matter of asking the right questions. .41. Do you hate yourself? I hate pickles. .42. Do you like your handwriting? It's awesome. .43. Do you have any bad habits? I don't like a lot of people because a lot of people are dumb. .44. What is the compliment you get most from people? Lately: I like your hair! Did you dye it? No, I had a terrible accident... .45. If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called? I would call it "Confessions of a Human Being." Ebert and Roper would call it "gay". .46. What's your biggest fear? That I'm a homosexual poet. .47. Can you sing? Yes but I switch keys a lot in the middle of the song when I can't hit the note. .48. Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool? I try not to act like somebody else but my personality changes depending on who I’m around. Me, too. .49. Are you a loner? Yes, but I recently realized it was by choice. I think most people are boring and I don't like to converse about things that are boring. .52. Are you a daredevil? That's a good way to die. I like roller coasters but they're actually completely safe. .53.Are you implosive or explosive? Depends on what you do to me. .54. Are you passive or agressive? passive .55. Have you got a journal? Only a livejournal .56. What is your greatest strength and weakness? Strength- I like people a lot. Weakness - I hate a lot of people. .57. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? My wishy-washiness on moral values. .60. Do you think you are emotionally strong? Only when women aren't involved. .61. Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life? I'm not dead yet. .62. Do you think life has been good so far? Totally. .63. What is the most important lesson you've learned from life? It's long, not short. .64. What do you like the most about your body? I have those little pelvic crests now. And since I started working out I have pecs and I can flex them. .65. And least? I have a little belly to go with them. .66. Do you think you are good looking? Yes. .67. Are you confident? It takes me a long time to warm up to new places and people, once I do I surprise people with my confidence. .68. What is the fictional character you're most like? Yosarian from Catch-22. .69. Do people know how you feel? If they ask. .70. Are you perceived wrongly? I give off a snobbish vibe a lot because I don’t talk. It’s usually just me being socially awkward though. I agree. I'm never sure if people are intimiated by me because I'm quiet. ------------------------------------------- DO YOU.../:) ----------------------------------------- .71. Smoke? Gross. .72. Do drugs? I live with a drug dealer...but only three times. It's not that great. .73. Read the newspaper? I have four hundred Times and Newsweeks I haven't read yet. .74. Pray? At dinner. .75. Go to church? Church is lame but I go because I like hymns a lot. Amazing Grace, It is Well With My Soul, and The Wonderous Cross are the best ones. .76. Talk to strangers who IM you? Probably a virus. .77. Sleep with stuffed animals? Yeah, when I was six. Used to talk to them, too. .78. Take walks in the rain? If I have someone to walk with. .79. Talk to people even though you hate them? I try not to hate people. .80. Drive? Yes .81. Like to drive fast? I got a ticket for going 90 in a 70..so not anymore. ----------------------------------- WOULD OR HAVE YOU EVER...:> ----------------------------------- .82. Liked your voice? Eh. .83. Hurt yourself? Nope. .84. Been out of the country? England, Ecuador, France, Australia, New Zealand. .85. Eaten something that made other people sick? Oreos with American cheese. .87. Been unfaithful? Such a dumb idea... .88. Been in love? It always seems like I "fall in love" after the break up. .89. Done drugs? Yeah. .90. Gone skinny dipping? This is about the most fun thing ever. .91. Had a medical emergency? Nope. .92. Had surgery? Tonsils, Wisdom teeth. .93. Ran away from home? Run away from free food and a bed? .94. Played strip poker? I wish. .95. Gotten beaten up? No. .96. Beaten someone up? No. .97. Been picked on? No. .98. Been on stage? All the time! .100. Slept outdoors? So much fun. .101. Thought about suicide? I've never been that sad. .102. Pulled an all-nighter? It's college. .103. If yes, what is your record? Er...all night? .104. Gone one day without food? I forget to eat sometimes. .105. Talked on the phone all night? no, but I have on AIM and in person. .106. Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex? Totally. I snore a little bit though. .107. Slept all day? I woke up at three today. .108. Killed someone? And then I ate them. .109. Made out with a stranger? Wouldn't want to. .110. Had sex with a stranger? Filthy. .111. Thought you're going crazy? I am. .112. Kissed the same sex? I barely get to kiss the opposite sex. .113. Done anything sexual with the same sex? Nope. .114. Been betrayed? The government. .115. Had a dream that came true? Yeah. .116. Broken the law? Trespassing mostly. Never got caught. .117. Met a famous person? Tim Miller signed my arm. 145. Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell? I have a bit of a rep for it. But only when I'm trying to help people. .146. Stolen anything? Food from the Pit. .147. Been on radio/tv? I was on the radio for Quiz Bowl and TV for the public access channel student news. I was an anchor. .148. Been in a mosh-pit? I moshed with your mom. .149. Had a nervous breakdown? Nope. .150. Considered religious vocation? Bad idea. .152. Bungee jumped? In reverse. .153. Had a dream that kept coming back? Nope. --------------------------------------------- CLOTHES and other fashion :> ------------------------------------------- I'm skipping these. A bisexual man told me what pants to buy once. That's my fashion experience. ----------------------------------------- .166. Believe in life on other planets? Yeah. .167. Miracles? The ones on ice. .168. Astrology? What a dumb idea. .169. Magic? It’s fun but not real .170. God? He's out there laughing or crying somewhere. .171. Satan? What a douche. .172. Santa? He's a dick. .173. Ghosts? Not really. No, not at all. .174. Luck? The harder you work, the luckier you get...it's funny. .175. Love at first sight? I wonder about it but I think it also takes work. .176. Yin and Yang? No, but I believe in karma. .177. Witches? That's just stupid. .178. Easter bunny? I never even see normal bunnies. .179. Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever? It's been done. You just have to hang on until you both get old and fat. .180. Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? No .181. Do you wish on stars? I can't see them usually. ----------------------------------------- AMIGOS >:D< --------------------------------------- .187. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Loads. I'm a theatre kid... .188. Who is your best friend? Eddie. .189. Who's the one person that knows most about you? Lawrence. .190. who gives Best advice? Me. .191. Your favorite inside joke? You wouldn't get it. .192. Thing you're picked on most about? My fingers. .193. Who's your longest known friend? My brothers. .194. Newest? Lakshmi. .195. Shyest? Amanda Eudy. .196. Funniest? Looking? 197. Sweetest? Amber, the ex. She wasn't so sweet to me though. .198. Closest? Isn’t that the same as “best friend”? .199. Weirdest? Eddie. .200. Smartest? Bryce. .201. Ditziest? Jessie. .202. Friends you miss being close to the most? James and Bret. .203. Last person you talked to online? Naomi. .204. Who do you talk to most online? James. .205. Who are you on the phone with most? I washed my phone by accident. .206. Who do you trust most? My parents... .207. Who listens to your problems? Ashley. .208. Who do you fight most with? Bret. Okay I'm done naming people you don't know... -------------------------------------------- LOVE, and all that <3<3 ------------------------------------------- .222. Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title? Yes. .223. Do you remember your first love? I think it was Carrie Fisher. .224. Still love him/her? No but I watch her movies. .225. Do you consider love a mistake? Only if the other person does. Love is awesome if both people are equally in love. .226. What do you find romantic? Honesty, kissing. .227. Turn-on? Googly eyes. .228. Turn-off? Poor hygiene. .229. First kiss? Amber. .230. If someone liked you, but you had no feelings for them how would you feel? I would avoid them. .231. Do you like knowing someone before you date? You really should. .232. Do you wish girls could ask guys out more? I think they ought to. Then I would have less work to do. .233. Have you ever been attracted to an unattractive person? That's a retarded question. If you're attracted to them they're attractive. .234. Do you think the opposite sex finds you good looking? I like to think so. .235. What is best about the opposite sex? Boobies and hair. .236. What is the worst thing about the opposite sex? They claim to like sex less. .236. Do you read porn? I have been known to. .239. What's the last present someone gave you? A bag of popcorn. .240. Are you in love? I wanna be. .241. Do you consider your significant other hot? n/a .242. When you see a hot guy what do you do? Point them out. -------------------------------------- THE BATTLE OF THE SEXES X-( -------------------------------------- .243. Have you ever wished you could experience being the other gender? I wonder what having boobies would be like. .244. What would you do if you were the other gender? Play with my breasts for a little bit. See if this "multiple orgasm" bullshit is actually true. Then I'd put on a dress, or something... .245. What do you love most about the other gender? Do I really have to answer this? .246. What do you dislike most? They never tell you what they mean. .247. What do you understand least? Menstruating. .248. What do you notice first in the opposite sex? Eyes and hair. --------------------------------------------- WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...:* --------------------------------------------- More names... ------------------------------------------------ WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU :).... ----------------------------------------------- Eh, I'm done... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
11:46 pm	A Renaissance Man In order to further the co-fusion of Lawaranwance, I had altered my facebook profile to display a picture of Eddie's co-entity. I hope this does not disturb the equilibrium of the fragile social network I have conjured. I hope this bid for further solidarity will help to goad Eddie into cooperating with my ultimate plan: to fuse the two livejournal accounts, which Lawrence is now so wastefully and extraneously employing, into one. I don't know if you guys saw this but Duke just shamed Wake Forest in basketball. I am glad I didn't go back early to see this game. We got dicked. We got raped. Our tresses were filled with Coach K's salty seed. I'm pretty much embarrassed for the whole squad, but mostly Strickland, whose boneheaded screw-up killed the entire team's morale for the game's last quarter. Wake is coming back from trailing by nine, and he gets this amazing run to the basket, but he goes for a fancy dunk instead of a simple layup. He misses, the crowd boos! Duke's crazy-ridiculous senior point guard turns it over for a three pointer (he made like seven total in the game). It was over after that. This Duke kid, though - JJ Riddick - is the man to watch. After seeing him play I would not be surprised (who would be?) if Duke takes the title this year. I cleaned off my desk today and found like two-hundred and fifty dollars in christmas and birthday money inside various cards. I also acquired some Sour Patch Kids, which are delicious. James and I, with some help from Toro and Bryce, beat Serious Sam 2 in about ten hours. The enemies this time around are very special, including Undead Stockbrokers, Kamikaze Clowns, and Wind-up Rhinos. The Suicide Parrot, a small brightly-colored bird with attatched explosives, made a helpful addition to the arsenal. The final boss was a rolling pyramid. I can't express the joy I felt when a piece of the map geometry, which I had been noticing in the background for the hour-long lead up to the boss fight, began to attack me. The whole game is pretty much an acid trip. Because enemies were so completely ridiculous (my favorite was a forty-foot T-Rex with mechanical legs, a brain-stem tail on its head, catfish-whiskers, and a cigar) most of our amusment was derived from loudly lamenting our confusion. "Why does that T-Rex have a cigar?" We would ask, fervently. "He should not have catfish whiskers!" We would declare. (Comment on this)
Sunday, October 30th, 2005
3:31 am	Various Vomits It smells really bad in A wing right now. This kid a few doors down just ejected the most putrid stream of booze-drenched mouth-diarrhea that has ever been smelled by man. The bathroom smells so revoltingly unpleasant that I’ll be forced to piss in B wing for the next several days. The hallway itself smells like a dead badger in a bucket of moonshine. Even my room, with the door closed and the windows open to the outside’s freezing air, has taken on a foul tint checked only by liberal application of various body sprays. The kid stopped me in the hall, asked me if I was sober, and pointed toward a non-existent spot of vomit which he assumed produced this blood-bubbling stench. Then he asked me how to clean it up. This hallway smells like a hobo erupted in it. I mean, it smells like someone abducted a street-dwelling, hygiene-challenged, hopelessly alcoholic ne’r-do-well and contrived a circumstance by which he would explode in A wing. The various liquors and biles in his body would then coat the walls in everlasting noxious filth. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, October 14th, 2005
1:24 am	Then We Will Remember... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
10:47 pm	Workouts and Walruses I am impressed by the gradual and undetected advance in my typing ability. I’m sitting in complete darkness on the quad, and I cannot see a single key on this laptop, yet here I am cranking out the mad postage. You best represent, son – I can type! And now on to more or less marginally important things. Today’s Theatre class was a serious bust. Our class discussion topic was the set of plays that went up last night. Trouble is, the majority of the class was in one of the plays, and no one wanted to speak ill of their handiwork. Despite my best efforts, we wound up with an hour of gratuitous glad-handing, blatantly ignoring the elephants in the room: 1. Reed ran over all his laugh lines. They were funny lines, and he delivered them well, which is probably why the audience spent more time laughing than he expected. But he should have slowed down to accommodate the chuckles and he didn’t. Bad form, says I! 2. For a senior drama major, Ben Whiting had shit diction. 3. The lead actor in the third play wasn’t very good. At all. He needed to take more time and experience his actions, instead of glossing them over. This guy needs to take lessons from the aforementioned Dan Applegate, who, despite being the Boss, only had a very small part. Despite the failure of the discussion, the plays really were fantastic. While I watched them, I literally shook in my seat, anticipating my part in Marvin’s Room and wanting very badly to leap onstage and begin acting. The Ring Theatre is an amazing space – in-your-face intimate. It’s like theatre in the round, but not quite, and like a black box but not quite. The stage is only ten feet from the audience and surrounded on three sides by seating. The seating is only raised a foot, separating the viewers but making them feel very intimately related to the scene. And the best part is, no overacting to fill a huge space. You just be yourself, and it comes across, no problem. Unless your diction sucks. Worked out again today. The roomie couldn’t go, so I just wandered willy-nilly without guidance, hopping on every machine I saw with wild abandon. My main goal was to cause myself as much pain and suffering as possible, and I’m glad to say I achieved that goal. My limbs are barely mobile and I like it! I gotta start running. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 30th, 2005
2:08 pm	Anthony Aston Just got back from The Pit – that’s our cafeteria – with a reuben, some tater-tots, a cookie, half a roast beef sandwich, and some pizza in my belly. In addition, I carried the other half of my sandwich and some more cookies in my backpack. Throw ‘em in the minifridge and we’ve got tomorrow’s breakfast all lined up. Went to English and Health today. Health was a groggy, sleepy time of ill remembrance. Thankfully it went by fast. English was an hour in a windowless room listening to a fat man drone on about James Dickey. Apparently the late James Dickey was a tremendous interesting person, but Dr. Sampson is the exact opposite. While Dickey is tremendously engaging and unfortunately dead, the aforementioned fat man is uncannily unstimulating and regrettably still alive. Hint: don’t make your English class wish they had a professor who isn’t you by talking about him all the time. Also went to the first meeting of the Anthony Aston players. I won’t bore you with the details but we’ll suffice to say that the Players are Wake Forest’s resident theatre troupe. You earn membership by participating in plays or tech, and they have a huge banquet at the end of the year. But listen to this. Every year, the Players participate in a game called “Anthony Aston Assassin.” Each player is assigned a target – one of the other group members. The object of the game is to hunt this target down and liberally douse them with water. But what makes the game interesting is that it never stops. Anyone can be targeted in almost any place at any time. This means the cafeteria, the hallways, the study rooms, anywhere where the water won’t damage things. When hit with the opponent’s water gun, the target, in order to resurrect themselves and continue the game, must present a death scene as loudly and dramatically as possible. The real object of the game is not to shoot your opponent, but to shoot him in as public a place as possible in order to optimally embarrass him or her. Sounds pretty damn fun. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 29th, 2005
10:53 pm	Code Red! This is your field reporter Wes Calkin here, prepared to announce unparalleled gains in all fronts at Wake Forest University. While I am admittedly somewhat socially reluctant – or, as I like to out it – socially retarded, even I have begun to make friends. There is Reed, the thrice-blasted malcontent who stole my part in the play. In addition, I have befriended Mike, who wears earrings and who by all accounts is a very friendly homosexual. He also got cast in the play. More drama friends include Lauren, who I constantly confuse with other Lauren to no noticeable effect, and Alex, the junior whose decision not to act in the play cost me my spot. Did I mention Lauren got in the play? Surely a trend is beginning to emerge here. But there is also Leah, who has an amazing last name. Are you ready for this? Her name Leah [Edited]. When I read that, I spent a moment trying to figure out if I was being pranked. Would you accept Mike Rotch, or Amanda Huginkiss, or Seymour Butts, or Ben Dover as your Facebook friend? Then surely you understand my trepidation. Yet it turns out that Leah [Edited] is a real person, consisting of 98% water and possessing a quorum of real internal organs. She votes for reality, it would seem – and she votes in other ways as well. Leah had this to say about me, regarding my admiration of her name, and I would like to genially accept her praise in a most modest and thankful way. “My name is cool? Have you looked at your own name recently? Yeah. Awesome. Also, ever since I saw you at auditions I've decided I'm going to steal you away and keep you for myself, because you are awesome.” -Leah. You did not see my interpretation of the character in question, but I can assure you that – while it cost me the part – it gained me a little respect round the theatre ‘hood. Let’s just say I put a little too much Knape in it. How was I supposed to know they wanted their play to be boring and unfunny? But there’s always next time. And since SCHOOL DOESN’T FUCKING CLOSE FOR LABOR DAY, next time is this Friday. I guess I won’t be seeing you guys after all. Bummer. No Ultimate, no poker, but party on ‘cause I’m going to audition for this part and I’m gonna get it, by gawd. There is also Rachel, who I met only briefly but I am assured has assented that I am cute. Then there is Ann, who has befriended me in a very frank and unfrivolous manner. You know the type. One minute you’ve never seen them before and the next minute they profess to be your certified companion. I think I’m the kind of person to generate such spontaneous gravity from such weird people. But Ann is the shit, and we had lunch today, and I expect we will become close friends. Plus, she has agreed to acquaint me with the aforementioned Rachel who is, indeed, her most redheaded of roomies. Ah, truly she is a flame-haired angel – I think. I kinda forgot what she looks like. Dave and I are also becoming better adjusted. It’s not like I share any social activity with him, but we have been known, on occasion, to banter. This bantering is important because we are the only people on the hall who don’t hang out with everyone else on the hall. Today, we moved the bed from the middle of the room, making our habitation space about twenty-seven thousand times more efficient. I also watched Dave roll a joint and engaged him with worthwhile questions like, “What is a legit nugget?” Legit nugget, for you plebes out there, is good marijuana. I have come to understand there is very little “legit” marijuana in North Carolina. Did you know that poor weed makes you tired and groggy, while good weed keeps you alert? I do now. In the cafeteria today, I was doing some studying. Unfortunately, the book I was reading was Health and Exercise. As I leafed through chapters one and six – titled, whimsically, If You Are American You Will Die Before Age Thirty and If You Drink Too Much Soda You Will Die Immediately - I became suddenly self-conscious and determined that I should run and lift weights and things. “Hopefully, this plan will come to fruition,” I said, and then went to refill my Cherry Coke. The other day, I mentioned all the Cherry Sodas we had, but I forgot Mountain Dew: Code Red. Greene Hall is the best place to study. Whereas the other study areas boast what are essentially fake chairs, consisting of little or no actual comfort-inducing material or padding, Greene furniture is real leather, sun-warmed from above by a giant skylight. Mike and Erik, glad to have you. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, August 26th, 2005
8:47 pm	Woke up at six o’ clock this fine morning and promptly went back to sleep. My class, you see, was at ten and I had partied awful hard the night before. I remembered all of it, but a couple of things were kinda fuzzy, like, what dorm was I in? And whose bed was this? Yeah, right. Last night I read my biology book until I couldn’t keep my eyes open and then wandered back from the library and fell asleep. The nighttime routine is actually getting pretty solid around here – my roommate parties and I sleep while he’s gone. In the morning, he asks whether I heard him at two in the morning cooking bagel bites, or eating a pop tart, opening a soda, or whatever nominal activity he performed under cover of darkness upon his return. One cannot help but assuming that he’s really asking if I saw him beating off to porn. I invariably reply in the negative. Afterwards, I go to class and he goes back to sleep. First class today was theatre 112, wherein we discussed the inherent differences between theatre and other performing arts. We also decided which plays to read. With my vocal insistence and the help of my new friend Ann, I scored a hat-trick of Moliere, Aristotle, Williams (Tennessee) and Shaw. We’re also reading a play in which a man steals a great deal of toasters. I think I’m going to like that one. This class is pretty darn swell, given the professor is easy and funny and has a reputation for avoiding conflict. Word on the street is that he’ll give you twenty points on a test if you just confront him about it. Gonna be a good class with lots of discussion and plenty of chances to read out loud. God, I love reading plays out loud. Next, it was on to biology, another neat class. The subject of my lecture is comparative physiology – the study of how different structures in differently evolved organisms solve the same essential problems of life (reproduction, movement, energy storage). Sounds bland but the book is really in-depth about the connection between chemistry, biology, and psychology, which is the kind of thing which, if experienced in the proper context, has been known to elicit spontaneous and pleasurable ejaculations from the head of my penis. I ditched a party to study for this class last night, and was slightly annoyed to find that only one of the three chapters I studied was explored. Oh well; now I’m way ahead of the whole class, and I got notes to prove it. Lunch was fantastic. I love our cafeteria (the Pit) because the food is always warm and hand-served to you. The only upsetting factor in this equation is that almost all the servers are black. Okay, one’s Hispanic, but you get the idea. Minorities do all the labor around here. Mexicans mow the grass and black people serve the food. It’s a little strange, almost as if they had been compelled by an ancestral form of lineage-slavery to work in food service. They smile and are polite, but they also come off as kind of creepy, with long necks and funny mustaches. I often eat the calzone. Today I had sweet potato fries (everything here is a healthy alternative to junk food - I think they fry it in vitamin oil, and it’s never salted ) and a chicken sandwich. This is normally the point where I stop the post, but you guys have developed a case of expositional mind-diarrhea so severe that even I have been grossly effected. On that note, I will now explain to you everything I did after lunch. I went to psychology class, whereupon I noticed that my companion from the previous lecture, a redheaded angel named Griffin, had been replaced by an adam’s apple with legs named Sergeant Ugly. That probably wasn’t his real name, though it goes without saying I have made a reasonable approximation - but I didn’t really ask. I Had an argument with a girl about spanking children which ended in a draw. I noted that I had been spanked and turned out fine. She chortled. But I like her regardless. Spent the class doodling and was quite satisfied with the result. Noted to the class that parents are too scared of fucking up their kids. This is going to be a good discussion class, I’m sure, and hopefully this is only the first of many heated debates in and out of the class. After psych I went to my dorm for a while and played some Allman Brothers Band while I prepared for my play audition. I’d been called back from the day before, so I was quite excited. Then I went to it, where I met Alex, Ann, Lauren, other Lauren, Griffin, Morgan, Jimmy, Erin, and Mike. Did I do all right? Fuck knows; I find out tonight when they e-mail me. If I get the part, I play a man who travels back in time to view his own conception and bumps into his parents in the act. Funny stuff. I’m out. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
11:55 pm	So many things, where do I start? "He's chill as hell and he's bringing some bitches." Chatting on his cellular phone, my roomate uttered these words today. I laughed in his face, my poise and tact obliterated by this hilarious utterance. I don't think he noticed, though, or thought i was giggling at something else. I'm not sure whether to love him for providing entertainment - and making me feel intellectually superior - or to deride him for his attempted gangster-hood. Time will tell, I suppose. He is off at a frat party trying to get laid I think. I really do wish him luck but I feel sorry for any girl that sleeps with him after two nights of acquaintance. Are people really having the sex already? No matter, on to more important things... Today I went to a "Taste of Winston-Salem" night. Essentially all the restaraunts come together on the soccer field and provide free food. Stuffed myself and went home, so full of fried goodness I had to jettison some out of the back end, explosively. I tell you verily my ass was a font of explosive might. I did not merely take the kids to the pool, I took them to the Saturn-V launch! And speaking of food, the cafeteria is fan-fucking tastic. Today at breakfast, I noted that an entire counter in the cafeteria was devoted to omelets. That's right, kids: the food servers will cook you a gosh-darned omelet right in front of you in a big pan. And this ain't no folded-up scrambled eggs, either. This is quality man-fuel. Plus all the sugary death-cereals you can eat, motherfucker. Lucky Charms are here, as well as Honey-Nut Cheerios, Coco-puffs, and Frosted Flakes. I believe even Trix made an appearance in my gullet today. And with three varieties of milk (2%, whole, and chocolate) you can have your sucrose-raptured death any way you choose. Maybe it's wrong to put chocolate milk on Coco Puffs, but that is precisely - and I do mean precisely - what I intend to do tomorrow. This much breakfast brings other moral dilemnas as well, questions like: "Is it wrong to have soda with breakfast if you have breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon?" No. Not if it's Cherry Coke it isn't. Cherries are a nutritionally valuable fruit. They have lots of vitamin red. I missed an ultimate frisbee game on the quad today. Checked my facebook too late. Guess somebody looked up all the people with Ultimate as an interest and sent out feelers. Damn. Fuck. Shit. Why didn't I get the message earlier? Hopefully there will be another, but until then, I will be sending out feelers of my own for a LAN party. Woefully few people here play PC games (an interest search of counter-strike found one guy, and DOD...yeah right), but I think I can dig up enough. Maybe there is a LAN club or something. And don't worry, I e-mailed the counter-strike guy. My theory is that people are too modest to put their nerdy habits in facebook. Not me, though...hell I put "Ghost Recon." Pwned! My schedule for this semester looks like Psych, Biology, American Lit, and a Health/PE lecture, plus the Holy Grail: Theatre 112. I'm really hoping I can swing 112 but it has very few slots. Gotta score that early on Wednesday, Or it's back to Theatre 110 with all teh newb-z0rs. And speaking of drama, that party was ass but I'm not discouraged. There's gonna be another one soon and maybe it won't be so hot and boring. And the actual class will provide more facilitated socialization. My roomate likes Pink Floyd, the Beatles, Metallica, and Slayer. I think he likes Led Zeppelin but he may be merely posing. I played the Immigrant Song for him and he thought it was neat how I liked Def Leppard. His quick correction will not save his reputation, poor bastard. He did spontaneously play "Pigs" for me, declaring it to be an "ill jam" but wasn't sure what album it was from. Mixed signals. Dave is an interesting guy but not a lifelong friend. He's got my respect for being a good roomie, though, and maybe he plays Starcraft (He is Asian, after all). Did I mention how kickass the library was? And now your lists: Reading List: ------------------------------------------------ King, Queen, Knave by Vladimir Nabakov Lolita by Nabakov Daisy Miller by Henry James List of people I met: ------------------------------------------------ Ross - his grandpa owned Wrightsville beach but he couldn't pay the property tax Tyler - she wants to major is classical studies. (Hawt) Some Rich Bitch - tried to talk to her about Australia but she bailed when I told her I went on a cheap student trip The Kenyan guy - What's his damn name? He's cool and black, went to an American school in Kenya. Dave - The roomie. Thinks he's a thug but he'll turn out all right. Huge Ass Dude - Lives on my hall. Been here since the summer for football camp. Size of a house. Dumb as a house. Patrick - My RA. Cool guy who took the job for the free housing and meals. Hell, I'd do that. Where do I sign up? Chinese RTA - Resident Technical Assistant. Go figure he's Asian. Some other kid - lives with the Kenyan guy. Red-haired kid - Yeah, i forgot everyone's name. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, August 19th, 2005
8:03 pm	A very scholarly path... Double major: Drama and Buttsex... With a minor in being poor as hell. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 17th, 2005
8:59 pm	To Do List: The Night Before 1. Beat Vice City 2. Finish my thank-you notes for graduation money 3. Pack...meh. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 4th, 2005
9:59 pm	Baxter, you are my little gentleman... i'll take you to foggy london town... (Comment on this)